I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
