Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we're making bets on your personal life
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
