Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
