so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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