just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
