Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
PANTIES FOUND
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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