its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sarcasm needs its own font
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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