She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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