Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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