so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
