i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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