Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
