I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
