My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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