They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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