my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
