you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize