I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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