She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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