WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
