i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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