..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
