I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
