she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
