I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize