You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
