Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
