We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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