I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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