I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize