you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
