i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize