if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
