Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize