Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize