On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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