ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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