Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
