I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
