tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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