My friends, they love my intelligence
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
