I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
