I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
3pm strippers are depressing
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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