what day is it and did you see me today?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
