there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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