Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
