Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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