Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
