I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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