Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
