also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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