I think I won the penis lottery.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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