TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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