How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I cut my penus on the lid.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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