Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why did my mother make you get naked?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
