it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
