please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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