she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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