Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
