Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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