I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
