I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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