Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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