Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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