Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
