this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
