guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize