I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
