Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
