Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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