My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
