Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
