Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im part way to drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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