she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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