I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
