i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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