$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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