I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
